Venting-whatever

I have notice if i vent out here more people comment and comfort me or at least try.
But when i vent on facebook to friend I know in real life I get really get nothing.
I'm not saying i vent to get attention it's just funny how people I don't know in real life try and help me while the people i have know for a good while and have been there for them when they needed someone are never around when I need someone to vent to or cry to.

so yeah imma vent again :/
hope y'all don't mind

But i have been feeling really fucking depressed lately and I have been wanting to relapse badly.
I broke a razor today and was about to start cutting again but i stopped myself. god i was so close.
But i dunno I have been really.
depressed
lonely
anxious
unwanted
third wheeled

Like i have been crying over everything. ?

I know it's stupid and im just thinking into things way to much but fuck.
I see all y friend chatting with one another or getting tagged in post, hanging out and stuff and im just sitting here like a friendless egg.

And I have been feeling very... weak ? like I have no energy to do anything, some morning I wake up and i feel so good I feel so happy I'll actually get up and art or something but that quickly fades off and then i just feel like laying there, staring at the wall.
I really have no desire to do anything
and im really scared im starting to give up again.



I also feel very unattractive, as if I gained major weight and everyone just looks at me and judges me. I know its a common thing for people to say and people just look it over so im not really going into that to much
but yeah
whatever

And again I feel as if I have no talent, everyone is such a good artist or a good singer or whatever and i just feel shit about everything i do.
every piece of art i have done f just shit and leh.